With parents like these....

I have refrained from talking about the birthday card I received on Saturday from my parents until today...appropriate since today is the day I am no longer celebrating. I had been thinking about whether or not to celebrate or let people in on my age for a while. The card from my parents made the decision for me.

At this point, I wish I had a digital camera in order to share their sense of humor with you but instead, I am reduced to simply describing the lovely hallmark moment in text.

The photo on the front of the card is either circa 1930s or cleverly made to look it with a woman standing next to a basket of fruit outside of a general store complete with vintage 7-up advertisement on the side of the building. There is a price placard sticking up out of the fruit that says .39@ (pretend that is a cents sign). When you open the card, it says:

"Looks like your melons are a little lower this year."

Yeah...birthdays are great....

Hollywood Typos

So, got home from a romantic lunch with Carl yesterday (his first day off in a heck of a long time), picked up the mail and as we chatted Carl opened the American Film magazine we get along with my membership and Carl's alumnus status with AFI. Lo' and behold on page 13 is a picture of Carl and me at a party last winter. (Okay, it's the AFI rag but still it's glossy.) Anywho, here we are on the same page as George "cutting edge of politics" Clooney and damn if its not one of the best pictures ever taken of us as a couple - seriously, we're thinking of getting hold of the photographer for a personal copy. So here's the stickler....They have us as Sandra and Carl Bartels - (the photographer probably wrote my name all in caps and someone mistook the his "o" as a "d"). (I would appreciate it if my family would refrain from comment on this particular theory....)

Here's the problem, I'm not important enough for them to get my name wrong. If they misspelled Clooney, everyone would know they're idiots, but on my caption, they just assume I'm Sandra and don't bother to get all annoyed. It's just wrong.

As a side note, they identify Carl as an AFI Alumus [sic].

Letter to my cat, Henley

Dear Henley:

The birds have become our common enemy. They gather in threes as you come trotting toward me, toward safety. I watch them swoop from the roof, from the wire, from the top of the cactus. Their cries are prehistoric as they screech in their kamikaze assault. They dive toward your head, your back, your tail that you pull down as the avian missile with its nuclear beak comes within inches of your hindquarters. I promise this will last only a few months, long enough to feed the young in their nest. At least you are not the dog next door who must passively cower while the biggest in the flock dives into his food bowl for nuggets. Perhaps this is why they are such aggressive little f&*ks, because they have been subsisting on beef by-products. One of them has a bent wing that I imagine is the result of coming too close to one of your kind....was it you?

A word of advice or cautionary tale, however you want to take it -- a few years back, I watched a now deceased friend leap five feet into the air and like a MEADS, end an aerial assault. It was four months before he could venture out again - for him, they created a posse of five. It was not pretty.

I'll leave the back door ajar in case you want to come inside and hang out in relative peace....

Pompous Circumstances

Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (UCLA Bruin alumni) was given an honorary doctorate today by USC. Then he delivered the commencement address. It was all about the rivalry that Bruins have with the Trojans and how it's actually based on respect and then he segued into the shame of our country's division of political parties and that we should have a mutual respect for each other. Not that I don't disagree with Mr. Villaraigosa but a commencement speech based on "can't we all just get along?" was, I have to say, fairly lame and uninspiring. I also found it irritating to be reminded of the undergrads' youth and how that's their main advantage .... of course, maybe that was just me.... being an older student and all - oh, and if one more person asked me to thank my parents who paid for this wonderful education, I was going to scream. No offense, Mom & Dad, but this time, it's my 2d mortgage, not yours.

Porn Coordination

So have been sending my resume out and trying to become gainfully employed. Not many responses as yet and am just this side of panicked. I did get one interesting nibble and it came out of the blue. Apparently, a guy I worked with on a corporate video is about to shoot a pilot/series for Larry Flynt and was wondering if I would be the 1st A.D./Production Coordinator for it - now even I know that normally those are two separate positions but apparently they like to keep the crew to a minimum on these sorts of projects. I've been thinking it over - I have a few weeks before he's up and running and the first thing that comes to mind is that as Production Coordinator, would I be calling the usual list in L.A. and asking if we can use their home for the "plumber" scene? And then of course, the second thing that comes to mind is that as 1st A.D., I'd be responsible for moving the shot-list along. I don't even want to think about Shot 23 - you know - shudder - the close-up ...

Did I really pay all that money to USC to do this? Of course, you know the next thing that leaps to mind....this could be the source of some really good material....

Yeah, just call me a "material girl".

Forgive me Blogger Father for I have sinned

It has been nearly three months since my last confession. In that time, I have coveted my neighbor's new Prius; wished to murder the man who whizzes by my house several times a night on his revved up, louder than a leaf blower, scooter; have lapsed into a state of sloth after completing my poetry manuscript/thesis and turning it in for departmental approval and generally lied about my productivity in the last several days. Oh, and in relation to the coveting, I have spouted profane language while filling my gas-guzzling Xterra at the pump.

Finally, I have toyed with the idea of simply starting an anonymous blog since one of the things that has been offered to me in the name of employment has been, shall we say, below the line and somewhat below the belt. Yes, Blogger Father, I am considering it....